Making it work when all odds are against you
No matter what I do, I have a voice in my head always telling me that my statistical chances of getting the upper hand in most situations or events; is not that good.
This type of self-deprecation / thinking maybe an unintended manifestation of the results that I'm seeing in my real life.
Being homeless/couchsurfing and having little to no support other than an extremely good friend of mine, being without a safe place has not been as bad as I thought it would be. I would like to also mention that, even though it has not been as bad as I had expected it to be, it has been extremely stressful, I felt defeated nearly every day, and I have done some things to ensure My success, as any intelligent human would.
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| Me thinking about this blog post😆 |
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| Me Again, foo |
Well, just about anything.
I was so afraid to suffer or have any more traumatic events
happened to me, that I was scared to move. What reminded me that I needed to continue to move no matter how afraid I was, was the domestic abuse of my birth mother. I have to say the situation was so bizarre it forced me to open my eyes and think about people's motivations rather than how I would like to perceive them: as good honest people.
Now that I have learned from my experience, have been thrown away several times by different groups of people, ignored, undermined, humiliated, and exploited, I'm starting to realize the power of manifestation. It's not mental positivity.
I would like to repeat manifestation is not the same thing as mental positivity. Or toxic positivity. I mean obviously, you have to say grounded in reality.
Manifestation is saying that you're going to do something (to yourself) all the while refusing to entertain any doubt on the subject.
Self-doubt is almost like a poison that stops us before we even have the chance to run from the danger. Fear can do the same thing and does, just look at me. I was scared to death to re-enter the real world because I had failed at it so many times before. What it took for me to realize that whether I must cheat, steal, sell things that God gave me, lie to protect my own interests or occasionally forged some documentation, was complete abandonment by everyone in my family and as well as my distant family.
To be honest, it's been a relief. And I don't think about them that much. But I do think about what I learned. I learned how to make it run nothing is going my way. I learned how to lie better, I learned how to cheat at life better, and I learned to manipulate the system to get things that I need / want just like my mother. And intelligent person would use her trashy genetic strength to bring themselves up. So really, all I'm trying to do is be smart.
