Blog Series: Yeet Yo Toxic Mom
1. Narc abuse can hurt you.
"In an attempt to protect you, your body can suffer and you can become physically ill. Your immunity is suppressed and your ability to fight illness and disease increases. Other physical symptoms of chronic stress from narcissistic abuse are intensified insomnia and excessive worry."
"You'll get yelled at, guilt-tripped, told that you are judgmental or mean, and probably be given a list of reasons that they think you are a narcissist," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth."𝇉
2. What is secondary mania in narcissism?
Secondary mania in narcissism is a relatively common occurrence. As I research, nothing shocks me but the surprises are abundant. Meaning, I'm bipolar and I thought I knew about every kind of mania there is. I did not. Here's what I learned:
3. Why do narcs target their children?
Narcissistic parents love to antagonize their kids for several reasons.
- They get to watch the entire show.
They see you become confused at their words, rather than hurt at first. Then they get to watch the light leave your eyes as they demolish your sense of self with their hostile and out of place way of talking to you. Thy get to enjoy your shame, your sadness, the emotional outbursts that follow as well as getting the role of the victim or "the person who was right" so they got 'lashed out at' (poor things) for just "parenting you" and you're the ungrateful child who started the whole ordeal.
If you are a sensitive person, the Narc will get to watch you go through the emotional rollercoaster and inevitable crash as you try to figure out what happened, where you went wrong and how the hell can you keep it from happening again?
4. I wonder what it's like to not be able to see or understand any point other than your own personal point of view.
It must be incredibly limiting in terms of people you can even clearly communicate with. To build a rapport, you must give and take in conversation as well as actions and follow through.
5. If they don't think they suck so hard, why do they try so hard to hide their narc traits from new people?
They have to be acutely aware that they are not quite like everyone else.
- They have to have at least a tiny inkling that their hearts and minds don't work like the rest of us.
- Even if they don't feel shame, there has to be at least one person they knew or still know that could instill a sense of consequences that is directly connected to their actions.
- I wonder what it feels like when they try to empathize. Is it like a monkey trying to learn algebra? Like, does it seem like gibberish or make no sense to them?
- In an instance where they had done others poorly or treated them badly, if a third person were to objectively come into the situation and use the narc's own tactics to harass the narc, they would be outraged. They would seek revenge. They might handle the situation much better than regular people because they have the advantage of being able to deflect relevant questions and facts away from themselves when in verbal battle with another narc.
- What made them like this? What about me do they find so tantalizing or repulsive? Wait, first they find me morally, ethically and empathetically disgusting -- but at some point just before they consider throwing me into the garbage bin, there was a distinct moment where the narc abuser looked at me and said "wait, I'm gonna destroy her instead of dismissing her existence. It's always the product of some forethought. A large amount of forethought to be honest.
6. Narc mothers aren't the "worst" type of narcs out there, some mothers are dead.
I've questioned my family about my birth mother's upbringing so I could hopefully come to a place of better understanding. But if I look at my situation through her eyes, all my greatest BPD ruminations are true. She really was thinking about how much she hated me and she was getting pissy because it was being called out and she didn't feel as though she would be able to truly hide her disdain any longer. How can you hate someone who does everything you ask, excuses your rude attitude and tries to look past it to find a human being with a soul. As I think back now, I only ever saw emptiness in those green eyes she's so proud of. No personality, no emotion, no gratitude, no faith, no truth, no soul, no humanity.
7. What do narcs think when they read about narcissism? Do they say, damn, that is me, like anyone else would; or let me guess, they just deny deny deny.
8. A writer for medical news today said something like, "those who think they are already great don't try to improve themselves."
I highly identify with that statement. I am constantly berating myself for not having done better at some things due to fatigue, cognitive dissonance or other reasons I feel like aren't good enough excuses for me, but are completely understandable for others to use. I expect more out of myself than I do other people; not because I'm better, but to not self improve and strive fore something means that the game is over. If you can't plan to or work on improving yourself as a daily endeavor, then the game is over. You will always be just as ignorant, basic and emotionally intelligent as you are this very second, and nothing more. Maybe that's why narcs seem so ignorant. Anger is the emotion of the fool, the one who can't think far enough to pontificate other POVs other than their own, that's why anger sticks to the stupid like glue..
9. How To Show A Narcissist When/ That They Are Wrong
I've read conflicting information on this question. Some authors and journalists, doctors and therapists say that it's impossible to get a true narcissist to admit when they are at fault.
"They will punish you by turning things around on you," Sarkis says. "They may also punish you with rage. They may also punish you with silence, like stonewalling, which is acting like you don't even exist."
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